I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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