C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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