Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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