STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
