Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
