everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
