I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
