is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the day after is always just damage control
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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