The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
