I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
