She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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