dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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