If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
