Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
