Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
