Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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