you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
