found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
