Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
