Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
