AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
