Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
