walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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