If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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