do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
