Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
