i need an iv and a liver transplant
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
