I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
