I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
