Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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