Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Every concussion has its silver lining
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
