My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
