oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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