I want to walk on stilts...naked
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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