Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
