ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
