We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
