you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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