I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
