is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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