my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
