Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
