I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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