I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
