dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
