There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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