What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
