I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
