mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
