I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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