Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
