FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
